First World Problem of the Day

August 16, 2015
Mr. Incredible? Steelers linebacker vows to return kids' 'participation trophies'

I refer you to the comments.

I won a half-dozen plaques and trophies in my bowling league when I was seventeen (high series, third-high game, triple-200, etc.), and couldn't have imagined getting an award just for showing up. How pathetic. Harrison is right on. - Ray Gordon

When I was seventeen, or thereabouts, I won two trophies in my bowling league. I managed to bowl both the high game and the high series that year. There was just one small problem. I received the high game trophy but the second trophy I won was for perfect attendance.

This came as a bit of a shock to me. It seemed like there must have been a mistake. I asked if that was the case. Nope. In an effort to spread the trophies around, the kid who bowled the 2nd best series deserved to win the high series trophy apparently. Must have made him very proud.

True story. Some in my position might have become incredibly upset about it. I did find it annoying at the time. However, I figured nobody in the real world was ever going to give a rat's @$$ about a bowling trophy awarded one year in a small farming town of just 800. I think hindsight clearly shows that I was right.

At the age of 51, I still have that perfect attendance trophy. It reminds me that life isn't always fair. It also really keeps things in perspective when I read about atrocities in third world countries that involve machetes. We all have our problems. It's a small world. Some just have problems bigger than others. Much bigger. Go figure.

Great News for Investors: New Opportunity and Change of Direction at Sears!

August 17, 2015
Hill out, Kaner in at Sears

Sears said Mr. Hill, who was hired by Sears in February 2014, left the company to “pursue a new opportunity.” Further details of Mr. Hill's departure or change of direction were not readily available; his LinkedIn page still showed him as president, Sears Automotive, as of late July.

Oops. My bad. It's a new opportunity and a change of direction AWAY from Sears. Sorry about that.

Congratulations to Mr. Hill for lasting 16 months though, which handily beat reduced expectations.

Liberty Mutual: Frequently Asked Questions

Liberty Mutual asks these questions frequently in their advertising so I have decided to share the answers for the benefit of others.

Q: How can my car depreciate before its first oil change, you ask?

A: Cars depreciate very rapidly as they lose that new car smell.

Q: What good is having insurance if you get punished for using it?

A: In my state, it's the law. If you do serious bodily harm to someone and live paycheck to paycheck, then you'll need a way to pay for the damage you have done. Shocking.

Q: Don't those people know you're already shaken up?

A: Yes, they know. They're giving you $37,000.

Q: Was it raining? Were your flashers on? Was there a dog with you?

A: My dogs? Thanks for asking! Liberty Mutual would never ask that, but I can see that you really care about the well-being of my pets! I assure you that my dogs were safe at home at the time the garbage truck backed into my parked car. Bless you for showing such concern though. I really appreciate it.

Q: What are you supposed to do? Drive three-quarters of a car?

A: Yes, you'll want to put the heavy stuff in the seat behind the driver and install a warning beacon where the front right tire used to be.

Q: Why pay for insurance if you have to pay even more for using it?

A: Because reducing the deductible by using an optional service means the monthly premiums go up, which means that people who do not have frequent accidents will pay even more. It's not a charity service. They will get the money one way or another.

Disclosure: I have home, auto, and health insurance, but I sure don't like insurance companies. An insurance company's resistance to paying claims is directly proportional to the size of the claims. In other words, when you absolutely need it the very most, you may actually need to hire a lawyer. Sigh.

Accident Forgiveness

And then one day, you tap the bumper of a station wagon. No big deal, until your insurance company jacks up your rates. You freak out. What good is having insurance if you get punished for using it?

Why are you reporting the tap to your insurance company if it is no big deal?



Ah. Never mind.

The Sarcasm Report v.235

August 16, 2015
Dave says: Live simple and keep nightmarish debt away

My wife and I are recent graduates with advanced degrees. We also have about $300,000 in student loan debt. We’re thinking about buying a rental property, and the plan is to get a mortgage with monthly payments of $400 and charge $800 in rent. We could use the extra money to help pay off our debt. Do you think this is a good idea?

It's a good start but you are not tapping debt's full potential.

1. Buy a rental property with a $400 mortgage.
2. Charge $800 to renters.
3. That nets you $400.
4. If tenants complain of leaky roof or broken appliances, pay someone to fix it.
5. If you still have $400, go to step 1 and repeat.
6. Attempt to take a cash advance on your credit card to get you to $400.
7. If successful, go to step 1 and repeat.
8. Attempt to borrow money from relatives to get you to $400.
9. If successful, go to step 1 and repeat.
10. Attempt to gamble what you do have to win $400 in Vegas.
11. If successful, go to step 1 and repeat.
12. Things are dicey, since you are running out of ways to raise $400, but you should have at least 20 rental properties now.
13. Raise rent by $20 on each of them and hope nobody moves out.
14. If successful, go to step 1 and repeat.
15. From here on out, you should be turning cash flow positive.
16. Enjoy using your advanced college degrees to become slumlord real estate moguls!

I should warn you that there is a risk with this plan. You must never let one of your rental units sit empty. Therefore, be extra nice to tenants calling at 3am complaining of rats, noisy neighbors, and/or overheard gunshots.

Baiting the Conspiracy Theory Trap

78% of Each Pound Lost was Pure Body Fat

What is the other 22%? Why won't they tell me? What are they trying to hide?

Brain matter? Heart tissue? Bone mass? Hair? Vitreous humour? Jimmy Hoffa's location encoded in alien DNA? What could it be? We need theories, people, and we need them now!!

In all seriousness, the answer better be impure body fat and/or water, or somebody's got some 'splainin' to do. ;)

The Road Built with Hate but Paved with Indifference

August 13, 2015
The rage that's fed by Donald Trump

But while anger at elites is a permanent fixture, even a healthy one, of democracies, there is a very particular kind of rage in 2015.

It feels as though the economy isn't working in everyone's interests and politicians are only working in their own -- a mood exacerbated by the credit crunch and Barack Obama's failures in office. A lack of strong centrist leaders ultimately creates the vacuum that radicalism fills. Blame for Trump lies as much with Bush, Walker, Christie or even Clinton as it does The Donald himself.

November 3, 2010
Why Did Germans Embrace Him?

At most, the exhibit seems to agree with the British historian Ian Kershaw that "the road to Auschwitz was built by hate, but paved with indifference." At one point, the show claims that the murder of the Jews was "condoned with a mixture of partial approval, moral indifference and growing fears of terrorist measures." Another typical sign tells us that public acts of violence met with "the approval or at least acceptance of the population."

Sigh. :(

What Do You Call an Inhumanly Dedicated and Personally Unforgiving Amazon Employee?

An Ambothole!

Think I'm joking?

August 15, 2015
The management tool Amazon employees hate could be coming to your company

Amazon built a digital retail rival to Walmart with a culture of frugality and an obsession with solving customer problems. But eighty-hour weeks, ruthless competition and little patience for family and health led to a constant stream of workers quitting or being fired.

In turn, they have been replaced by waves of ambitious applicants hoping to catch on at the fast-growing company. Employees of the Seattle-based company earned reputations as inhumanly dedicated (“Amabots”) and personally unforgiving (“Amholes.”)