Monday, April 4, 2016

4 Truly Shocking Sources of Emergency Money!

May 2016
Kiplinger: Best Places to Get Money in an Emergency When You Don't Have an Emergency Fund

1. Home equity.
2. Investments.
3. Credit card.
4. Retirement accounts.

Nobody, and I mean nobody, could have guessed all four. Genius! ;)


Stagflationary Mark said...

The sarcasm gods must be appeased!

Kiplinger advice, baby. That's what I'm talking about, lol. Sigh.

Karlo said...

They should divide that advice into two parts, #1 and #2 is clearly advice for the wealthy or perhaps upper middle class, whereas the final two points are advice for the rest of us.

fudge_hend said...

You can't have a best places list and then not have a worst places list:

1. Make your own with one weird trick (spoiler alert it involves a copy machine)
2. Magic Genie, they always trick you so they'll do something like give you all the money in the world and then it becomes instantly worthless.
3. Leprechaun, turns out they aren't real, it's just some drunk short guy who lives under the bridge and keeps offering you his pot of gold, trust me you don't want it.
4. Deal with the Devil, also known as the FED, this is actually a good option, but sadly not available to you.

Stagflationary Mark said...


I'm not so sure.

If a guy invests in himself by going to college and taking out massive student loans, then surely he can tap that investment if he loses his barista job at Starbucks.

Okay, bad example. Sigh.

Stagflationary Mark said...



Here's my attempt.

1. Two words: oldest profession. Always available when you need money in a pinch.

2. Sell the Ferrari, or perhaps the Mercedes, or even the Bentley. Once you've got 10 cars or more in your underground garage, any more are just a luxury anyway.

3. Demand an immediate 20% bonus from the executive compensation committee or you'll leak some of the more compromising pictures from the last corporate retreat in the Bahamas.

4. Take the money from thar Super PAC. Oh, sure. You might have to bend a bit on your principles in exchange, but this is an emergency! Everyone else in power can afford the nicest things! If you don't have them too then you'll lose all sense of your self-respect! And if you don't love you, then you risk others not loving you too!

fudge_hend said...

All great tips, but for those a few rungs down on the ladder I've got some additional ideas that they can use.

5. Human Equity line of Credit: You don't need all of that blood, semen, or ova do you? That's a lost opportunity cost to just leave it un-invested. You're not going to move up in society without putting all your capital to good use.

6. Reverse body mortgage: Rent a womb, join a medical study for experimental drugs or new elective surgeries, or sell a kidney, or even a kid nothing frees up cash flow like getting rid of an ongoing expense

7. Hedonic Substitution: Use the age old FED approved strategy of just making a few simple substitutions to your typical lifestyle and you can easily get your finances under control and you won't even notice the change. Get creative: Sawdust mixed with hamburger is an excellent food stretcher and adds fiber to your diet. You probably need more exercise so sell your car and walk everywhere, then you can quit your gym membership as well. Do you really need electricity during the summer months? The sun provides heat and light, you aren't even trying to be fiscally responsible are you?

8. Medical Arbitrage: Those fancy pills you take cost you a lot less than you could sell them on the street. If you don't see the obvious business opportunity I can't help you. If you don't have any current lucrative prescription opportunities that's nothing you can't fix with a quick search of WebMD symptoms and a trip to your local clinic.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Yes! Nothing says emergency (room) money like selling a kidney!

Just make sure you go with a reputable surgeon. The bathtub should be clean and the ice should come directly from the motel's ice dispenser. None of this back alley of a bar with a tarp and a steak knife scene for me! ;)

Teri said...

1) Donate plasma
2) Payday loan
3) Pawn shop
4) Breaking and entering

You're welcome!

Teri said...

Oh and I've done all of those except breaking and entering. If they keep jacking up the property taxes, that could be next. (And we did a creative thing where my husband did a student loan for a one quarter class to finish his B.A.)

The good news is that I am old enough to tap into the 401k without penalty. The bad news is that we may be trying to sell the house during the housing bust.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Breaking and entering is not recommended.

Well, unless you want 3 meals each day, a cot, free healthcare, lots of free time to read, and be in a place where money isn't really needed.

Damn. I'm doing a horrible job trying to talk you out of it, lol. Sigh. ;)