Wednesday, April 6, 2016

The Safest Way to Make Nearly 20 Times Your Money in Just 2 Years

May 8, 2008
Illusion of Prosperity: Our Pillars of Retail Strength

From the comments:

Either you guys are joking or you like to buy high and sell low. Not my style. Lampert and Sears will prove to be fantastic investments over the next 10 years. Over the next 10 minutes? who knows and who cares? - Anonymous, May 9, 2008

On May 9, 2008, SHLD closed at $70.34 (according to Yahoo, adjusted for dividends and splits). In order for it to be a fantastic investment over 10 years, it should quadruple in price (a roughly 15% per year return).

SHLD currently trades at $14.49.

Don't you see what this means? It is a table pounding screaming bargain right now!

$70.34 x 4 / $14.49 = 19.4

Just look at that upside! Nearly 20 times your money and there's only 2 years left! Woohoo!

If you cannot trust an anonymous heckler of an anonymous sarcastic blogger on the internet to provide you with fantastic investment returns then who can you trust? Cramer? Booyah!

So what are the downside risks? There's gotta be a catch, right? Well, I assure you there are none. This is a sure thing. Can't lose! Don't let the fact that I just made a purchase at from the comfort of my own couch dissuade you, nor should you concern yourself over my Sears store purchase history as seen in a very downwardly spiraling chart. To the best of my knowledge, no such chart even exists! At best, I simply imagine what it must look like! Imagination serves no purpose in the investment world!!

I once imagined what a popping housing bubble would do to our economy. It was nothing like what I expected, other than the sheer panic of financial system instability, of course.

Forehead. Desk. Whack. Whack. Whack. For what it is worth, THAT'S MY STYLE. It's full of dark sarcasm. ;)

Beat that dead pillar of retail strength horse I say! What can no longer kill it makes it stronger!

Apologies to any Sears employees who are reading this. Deep down, you know you are only here because you fear the worst though, right? Dead chain walking. Sigh.


mab said...

I actually made a purchase at Sears about 2 years ago. I needed a few strings of Christmas tree lights. Walmart and Target were sold out. I thought I'd give Sears a try. No crowds and lots of lights!

There's Xmas lights in them thar stores! Thanks for being there when I needed you Eddie!

mab said...

We have to save Sears:

From typo to tradition!

Who knew?

Stagflationary Mark said...


I too made a purchase at Sears recently. I bought a freezer. It sits in the garage.

And when I say recently, I really mean in a geological history kind of way. The freezer is nearly 20 years old now. Thanks Kenmore!

Hey, maybe if the freezer fails then I can save Sears! It's been a good freezer. I could be tempted to enter a Sears to buy another!

Shopping at Sears, once every other decade or so, or bust! Hahaha! Sigh.

Pete said...

To be fair, the commenter did say Sears would be a "fantastic" investment: "imaginative or fanciful; remote from reality." So, not a heckler; a visionary!

Stagflationary Mark said...



Generally, about 12 ounces. Badum-ching. ;)