Thursday, April 21, 2016

Sears: A Shocking Case Study in Sarcasmoptimism

April 21, 2016
Sears to close 78 stores this summer

Shocking? No.

The decision to close stores is a difficult but necessary step as we take aggressive actions to strengthen our company, fund our transformation and restore Sears Holdings to profitability," said Edward S. Lampert, chairman and CEO of Sears Holdings in a statement.

Shocking? No. If we've heard it once, we've heard it a thousand times. Blah, blah, blah.

Sears Holdings has struggled for years with weakening sales, unable to keep up...

Shocking? No. Well, unless you think it is a race to the bottom.

In the fourth quarter, which includes the holiday shopping season, revenue at stores opened at least a year fell 6.9 percent at Sears, and 7.2 percent at Kmart.

Shocking? No. Never got my Sears Wish Book last year! Loved that thing as a kid!

Sears declined to say how many workers will be affected from the store closures, but it said that an overwhelming majority of the jobs are part-time positions.

Shocking? Yes! There could be tens of thousands of part-time workers left at Sears even after the store closings, all making the big bucks! Wow! This strong and resilient part-time service economy never ceases to amaze!

What? You know me. I'm just trying to be a sarcasmoptimist. Haven't heard the word before? Well, I'm telling you right now that it means exactly what you think it means. Just be sure to fully pronounce the "mop" part of it. Sar-cas-mop-ti-mist!

As a side note, is it better to "axe" two part-time workers instead of one full-time worker? Seems like a bloody mess to me. You know, because of the extra paperwork. Oh, and because twice as many people get brutally chopped. Sigh.


mab said...

Opportunity knocks!

Stagflationary Mark said...


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Teri said...

I do hope they go out better than Montgomery Ward. I remember watching the Chicago news, with folks that had bought big ticket items just days before MW declared bankruptcy. Now you know the company knew they would be declaring bankruptcy, but they took the money anyway. Of course, that's a small creditor so they wouldn't get their money or the refrigerator they ordered.

Stagflationary Mark said...

That's just awful.

The workers who painted my house got shafted. One called me right after they finished the job and asked if I had paid yet. I said I just given the owner the check. It never "trickled down" to the workers though. They came to work and found an empty office. Owner was gone.

$#%^ happens, and often there's at least one person shoveling it. Sigh.