Friday, April 22, 2016

First World Problems of the Day

April 22, 2016
USA Today: 5 reasons why a nearly perfect credit score's not enough

It's never enough. I mean, really.

You move from the tiny apartment to a larger apartment. You're feeling pretty good about yourself until you realize that your new neighbor's apartment is just as big! How are you supposed to get and stay ahead when the goalposts keep moving?

So, you buy that dream house. You've finally made it! Hurray! All is going well, right? So why is your neighbor spending so much time caring for his yard? Holy crap! I swear there isn't even one dandelion in it. And that white picket fence? He's out there every single day washing off the dust! Life is so unfair!

You finally get that monster truck that's at least 10% nicer than your neighbor's car, and what does he do? He buys a frickin' used scooter off craigslist. That's what. What an @$$hole!! He's clearly mocking you!

That's when you devise a plan. Three purebred Dobermans. Best in show. Perfectly trained. Might have cost you an arm and a leg, and although you don't really like pets, it is so going to be worth it. This will prove to the world that your life is so much better than his!!

But what's this? He adopted a cat from a local shelter? And all the neighbors seem to love it? WTF! It's missing a frickin' leg! It's more than 10 years old! Oh, it gets worse. It sometimes strays into your yard! How can this be? The entire universe is conspiring against you!! The hatred consumes you!

April 20, 2016
Blotter: Neighbors argument about cat turns destructive; infant left alone in car

Dispute: At 4:26 p.m., police were called to Orchard Avenue N.E., North Bend, to settle a dispute over a cat in a neighbor's yard. The neighbor damaged the front yard of the cat-owner's house by spinning his truck tires on the lawn. The cat owner did not want to press charges.

First world problems, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Forehead. Desk. Whack. Whack. Whack.

Hey, just trying to come up with a theoretical scenario that could partially explain it! North Bend? Really? That's where cougars and bears tend to hang out. Seriously.

June 15, 2014
‘You need to go now!’ North Bend woman’s message to curious bear (VIDEO)

As the bear stands at the window, the woman can be heard in the video saying, “Stop it. don’t!”

Fortunately, our Pacific Northwest bears apparently speak perfect English, so everything worked out for the best. ;)

1 comment:

Stagflationary Mark said...

Housecat, in yard, in North Bend. OMG! How can people endure such hardships?