China's Scrabbling Export Economy Could Spell 'DISASTER'

May 31, 2015
China factories scrabble for growth in May, export demand shrinks

It's all fun and games for China's investors, until someone loses an 'I'.



How can I be expected to resist puns served up on a tray? ;)

And So It Begins

May 31, 2015
Enrique Iglesias injured in concert mishap with a drone

Spanish pop star Enrique Iglesias is seeking treatment after a drone cut his hand during a Saturday concert.

Not only have the drones acquired a taste for human blood, but they are now actively attempting to shut down public communications.

Larry Kudlow Has a Plan

May 29, 2015
The GOP needs a 5-percent growth target

So, how about some Republican leadership today, with all the candidates pushing for a 5 percent economic-growth target? It's exactly what we need to get back to America's long-term prosperity trend, which had long ensured our world leadership.

Why stop there? Why not a 10% economic growth target? It's just a target. It's not like it will be part of an actual campaign promise, which we know must always be kept.

Let's set some other "reasonable" targets to ensure our long-term prosperity! There's no reason to just have the one target. Let's shotgun this optimism with brain storming nirvana!

The Every Child Better than Average Target

Why settle for no child left behind? Think about it. If every child in a given classroom becomes smarter than every other child in that same classroom, then infinite paradoxical intelligence would be released! Circular logic for the win!

The World Peace Target

Think of the long-term prosperity that could be unleashed if we didn't "shock and awe" the planet so often, as we search for weapons of mass destruction that only the most prosperous countries must hoard.

The Free Energy Perpetual Motion Machine Target

If we could eliminate all friction from all mechanical systems and somehow also extract extra energy from said systems in sharp defiance of the second law of thermodynamics, then think how little foreign energy we would need! Enough said. This needs to be a priority. The American public deserves no less.

The Permanent End of Torture Target

Think how prosperous we all would be if we someday thought torture simply meant excessive tickling of loved ones, and not the waterboarding it is now associated with.

The Freedom for All Target

Let's be realistic here. We all love the Patriot Act. Please believe me. This communication may be monitored. It is therefore in your best interest to say what I say as I say it. Repeat after me without even the slightest hint of sarcasm (they'll know), "We all love the Patriot Act." There. Now don't you feel better? And more importantly, more prosperous? (Once again, this communication may be monitored. Be smart here. If you've got children, then don't take the risk of answering inappropriately.)

The Infinite Debt Target

If a little debt can lead to a little extra prosperity, then it stands to reason that an infinite debt must lead to an infinite amount of extra prosperity. And who wouldn't want that? Trickle that prosperity down, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

Growing the economy at 10%, with infinitely smart children, world peace, free energy, the end of torture, absolute freedom, and infinite debt can't solve all our problems in 2016, but it's a good start. I therefore urge you to vote for the candidate who sets the best targets!

My Favorite Needs (Musical Tribute)

May 13, 2015
The most expensive things in the world that money can buy



Pablo Picasso and Peter Paul Rubens
Ferrari race cars and white truffle pizzas
Soups made from shark's fin with hints of ginseng
These are a few of my favorite needs

My life-sized sculpture of a man who is pointing
Yellow postage stamps and gloves of moon walking
Sushi wrapped in the purest gold leaf
These are a few of my favorite needs

Tiffany dresses of Hepburn, it's Audrey
Perfume in crystal delivered by Bentleys
The rarest of Rolls-Royce made with two seats
These are a few of my favorite needs

When there's looting
When there's tear gas
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite needs
And then I don't feel so bad

The Exclusive Forty and Hundred Club

In order to be a member, you first need to move to Baltimore.

May 30, 2015
City sees 40 homicides, more than 100 shootings this month

To put this somewhat in perspective, the slightly more populous city of Seattle had just 26 homicides in all of 2014, which is an average of 2.2 homicides per month.

May 19, 2015
Money Minute: 3 reasons money isn't making you happy

I explain three reasons you may be earning more but don't feel any happier.

Here are five more reasons.

4. You live in Baltimore.
5. It's 2:00am.
6. You've just withdrawn $300 from the ATM.
7. Your car is 20 yards away over open ground.
8. There's a burning police car just up the street.

It could be worse I suppose. I watched The Sum of All Fears last night. Spoiler alert. You know how thriller movies often have a nuclear bomb that is disarmed just in the nick of time? Well, in this fictional movie, Baltimore was not so lucky.



In my opinion, The Sum of All Fears was at least one fear shy of a full load. Sigh.

The Crock of @#$% Report v.009

May 28, 2015
Cramer's #1 best way to make money right now

1. In the end, these deals are all driven by a simple fact: there are too many companies fighting for customers, and those customers are finicky, tough and demanding.

2. Cramer sees this as a golden opportunity for investors.

If a small rural town is filled with finicky, tough and demanding customers, and that town has too many grocery stores, then over the long-term would it really be a golden opportunity for that town's grocery store investors?

Speaking as one who grew up in a small rural town with too many grocery stores, good luck on that theory. Our town tended to have either one or two grocery stores. The second one would always struggle then fail. Golden opportunity though! Newcomers kept coming!

I can't imagine a worse investment than moving to a small rural town and opening a grocery store half the size of the town's existing grocery store, and located just a few blocks from it. Even as a kid, it wasn't hard to see how that would end. I felt really bad for every small business owner who made the attempt.

Dead store walking.

Frugal Leading Questions of the Day

Amazon sells a 12-count of 5-Hour Energy for $18.78.

That's 157 cents per dose to be kept awake for 5 hours.

Amazon sells a 600-count of diphenhydramine for $9.02.

That's 1.5 cents per dose to be kept asleep for 5 hours.

1. Is being kept awake really worth 100x what being kept asleep is worth?

2. Or do people just love the sensation of 2 ounces of sucralose sweetened liquid hitting the back of the throat?

Just leading questions, your honor!

A free 5-hour Energy Drink has been sitting on our kitchen counter for months. That's probably the closest I will ever come to drinking one. No joke.

And don't even get me started on paying the $2.99 they'd want for one dose displayed near the cash registers of local stores. Money must grow on trees for some people.

Top Bankers (Musical Tribute)

May 19, 2015
More bankers ok with breaking the law to get ahead

About a quarter of top bankers have been asked to sign agreements that would prevent them from reporting illegal or unethical activities to regulators.

If you are a top banker and witness your CEO murder one of his high-priced personal escorts, then for the love of all that's holy, you need to think smart and do the right thing. Repeat after me:

"I drove the Land Rover today. It has ample trunk space. I'd be more than happy to dispose of the body for you. It would be no trouble at all."

The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work. - Thomas A. Edison

Few understand that in addition to the overalls and hard work, opportunity can also include garbage bags and bone saws. Corner office here you come! Woohoo!

Corporate ethics, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Regulators? Who needs them?