Sunday, November 9, 2014

The Church of Investmentology (The King James Bible Version)

I'm not a religious person, but I'd like to think I know a church when I see one.

The following chart shows the number of production and nonsupervisory investment advice employees divided by the number of production and nonsupervisory animal slaughter and processing employees. Why animal slaughter? Just seemed the right thing to compare against, lol. Sigh.


Click to enlarge.

And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins; - Genesis 35:11

The next chart shows the hourly earnings of production and nonsupervisory investment advice employees divided by the hourly earnings of production and nonsupervisory animal slaughter and processing employees.


Click to enlarge.

He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks; - Proverbs 7:22

The next chart is a combination of the two. It shows the amount of money all production and nonsupervisory investment advice employees would earn in an hour divided by the amount of money all production and nonsupervisory animal slaughter and processing employees would earn in an hour.


Click to enlarge.

Yea, for thy sake are we killed all the day long; we are counted as sheep for the slaughter. - Psalms 44:22

The Investment Advice 10x3 Commandments

1a. Stay fully invested.
1b. If you have extra cash, put it to work.
1c. You should keep an emergency fund.
2a. Don't time the market.
2b. Now would be a bad time to sell.
2c. This would be a good time to buy.
3a. Stocks for the long run.
3b. Buy the dips.
3c. Only sell if you need money to buy stocks.
4a. You can expect to earn 10% per year.
4b. You can expect to earn 8% per year.
4c. You can expect to earn 6% per year.
5a. Never own commodities.
5b. You might consider owning some commodities.
5c. Commodities are volatile.
6a. Oil is falling. This is good for the consumer. Stay the course.
6b. Oil is rising. It's robust global growth. Stay the course.
6c. Oil is stable. Stability is good. Stay the course.
7a. The stock market is the safest place to be.
7b. Investments in the stock market are not insured. Sign here.
7c. There is considerable risk of principal loss. Initial here.
8a. Interest rates are falling. This is good for the markets.
8b. Interest rates are rising. The economy is strong.
8c. Interest rates are stable. The economy is predictable.
9a. Long-term bonds have historically done very well.
9b. Stick to the short-term bonds to reduce risk.
9c. The short end currently pays 0%. You should buy stocks.
10a. There has never been a better time to buy a house.
10b. They aren't making any more land.
10c. Never pay your house off. Let leverage work for you.

Well, that took a few minutes. Do I still get $38.33 for the full hour? ;)

In all seriousness, this is not investment advice. It's heavy sarcasm.

Source Data:
BLS: CES Databases