The Crock of $#@% Report v.004

Brace yourself for this report. It's a doozy! If you are like me, you'll want to use some hand sanitizer just reading the digital copy of this one. That's how dirty you will feel. Not too late to turn back! This is your only warning!!

April 3, 2015
Stock Futures Point to Rough Ride for U.S. Equities on Jobs Data

Fed Chair Janet Yellen said in a speech in San Francisco on March 27 that “it is appropriate for monetary policy to remain accommodative for some time,” and that after an initial increase in rates this year, officials won’t follow “any predetermined course of tightening.”

I refer you to the part in red. You will note that it is not a direct quote of what Yellen said. It's not even close. This is what she actually said.

March 27, 2015
YELLEN: There's a good chance we're going to raise rates this year

With continued improvement in economic conditions, an increase in the target range for that rate may well be warranted later this year.

For those who need help deciphering and parsing that sentence please accept my help.

1. It *may* well be warranted for the Fed to raise rates this year.

2. But only *with* continued improvement in economic conditions.

3. And even then, it may not be warranted. Who can say for sure?

Who thinks Yellen is happy with today's feeble employment report? Think it can turn a "may" into a sure thing?

Why do I even bother to read business news? Don't answer. It's a rhetorical question. I do it for the crock of $#@% reports of course. Keeps me busy. Idle hands are the devil's workshop.