How Yahoo Finance Helped Me Make Zero Dollars in Profits Today

June 26, 2016
Illusion of Prosperity: The Sarcasm Report v.256

Q: If the goal is to buy stocks after the Brexit turmoil ends but before the stock market rebounds, then how might I accomplish this?
A: You need to be informed that the Brexit turmoil is over before other investors cause the stock market to rebound.

Q: As a retail investor, how could I do this?
A: Rapidly click on Yahoo Finance headlines until you see "Brexit Turmoil Has Ended" then rapidly click the buy button on your broker's website.

Q: How will Yahoo Finance most likely know that the Brexit turmoil has ended?
A: The stock market will have rebounded.

Q: So how will I be buying at the best time if I wait to see the news?
A: This time could be different.

June 29, 2016
Yahoo Finance: That's all, folks – the Brexit crisis is over

The crisis is over! Hurray! I've been rapidly clicking for days on these headlines! Time to rapidly click on the buy button to extract some easy profits!

That’s what the markets seem to be saying, anyway. On June 17, six days before Brits voted to leave the European Union, the S&P 500 index closed at 2,071.

2,071 is my target price. I'll sell when we hit it. Baby needs new shoes! Woohoo!

Stocks have since rallied again, with the S&P 500 settling –guess where — right around 2,071 six days after the vote.

Markets are closed? We're already back to 2,071? Dammit!

I really thought it could be different this time! I swear! Hahaha! :)