The Sarcasm Report v.256

Welcome to the 2^8th sarcasm report! Momentous day! So let's get right to it.

June 24, 2016
Yahoo Finance: After the Brexit turmoil, expect a stock-market rebound

FAQ

Q: When can we expect the stock market rebound?
A: Just after the Brexit turmoil ends.

Q: When can we expect the Brexit turmoil to end?
A: Just before the stock market rebounds.

Q: When would the best time to buy stocks be?
A: Just before the stock market rebounds.

Q: Would it therefore be best to buy just after the Brexit turmoil ends?
A: Yes.

Q: Is there a way we can know exactly when to buy?
A: Yes. You will want to buy just before the stock market rebounds.

Q: Exactly how will we know?
A: The Brexit turmoil will have just ended.

Q: What's the best way to know that the Brexit turmoil has not ended?
A: The stock market is not rebounding.

Q: What if the Brexit turmoil takes a long time to end?
A: Then the stock market rebound may take a long time to start.

Q: If the goal is to buy stocks after the Brexit turmoil ends but before the stock market rebounds, then how might I accomplish this?
A: You need to be informed that the Brexit turmoil is over before other investors cause the stock market to rebound.

Q: As a retail investor, how could I do this?
A: Rapidly click on Yahoo Finance headlines until you see "Brexit Turmoil Has Ended" then rapidly click the buy button on your broker's website.

Q: How will Yahoo Finance most likely know that the Brexit turmoil has ended?
A: The stock market will have rebounded.

Q: So how will I be buying at the best time if I wait to see the news?
A: This time could be different.

Q: There were previous times?
A: Yes. There was a Great Depression, an oil crisis in the 1970s, a dotcom bust recently, and a housing bust even more recently, to name just a few.

Q: Were there always stock market rebounds after the turmoil?
A: Yes, without exception.

Q: What if there is always turmoil in the future?
A: Don't ask too many silly questions. The economy is always strong and resilient.

Q: Strong and resilient enough for "normalized" interest rates?
A: You ^*# #%*% naysaying little #%^*ing #%*%!

Q: Why the potty mouth?
A: Sorry, I just noticed that the stock market futures are in the red.

Q: Does that mean the Brexit turmoil isn't over yet?
A: Yes.

Q: Is turmoil another way of saying that the stock market is declining?
A: Yes. Nobody ever says that the markets have turmoiled to new highs.

Q: So once the stock market stops declining we can expect a stock market rebound?
A: Yes. Once the turmoil is over it will be the end of the turmoil.