Yield to Authority?

No, more like chasing yield to Sports Authority!



May 18, 2016
Sports Authority to close all remaining stores

When Sports Authority was bought by a hedge fund 10 years ago, it was the largest sporting goods retailer. But it has struggled with the debt load associated with that leveraged buyout a decade ago.

It's not all bad news though.

But even retailers who are not in financial distress are closing their weaker performing stores. Among chains trimming locations are Walmart (WMT), Macy' (M)s, Kohl's (KSS), Target (TGT), Sears (SHLD) and Kmart.

Although Sears Holdings Corporation is trading at a record low, is down well over 90% from its peak, now trades at just $10.70, and earned negative $10.58 per share over the last year, at least it is not experiencing financial distress.



Would you like to know how it has avoided financial distress?

May 15, 2016
Innovation: Why Bezos Succeeded, While Lampert Failed At Sears

In March, 2005 Sears shareholders approve the deal. The stock trades for $126. Analysts praise the deal, saying Lampert has “the Midas touch” for cutting costs. Pumped by most analysts, and none moreso than Jim Cramer of “Mad Money” fame (Lampert’s former roommate,) in 2 years the stock soars to $178 by April, 2007. So far Lampert has done nothing to create value but relentlessly cut costs via massive layoffs, big inventory reductions, delayed payments to suppliers and store closures.

Jim Cramer's former roommate has the Midas Touch! He touched Cramer! He touched Sears! He creates mad money out of nothing!



Thank you. Thank you very much. I'll be performing here all week, lol. Sigh.

How to Guarantee That Your Investments Outpace Inflation

May 17, 2016
7 Reasons That You Could Retire Poor

But at the same time, you want to be aggressive enough with your allocations to ensure your returns at least outpace inflation.

If you want to guarantee that your investments outpace inflation, then you must invest aggressively. Take on additional risk to guarantee better returns. You heard it here first.

I'm going to offer you another tip, totally free of charge.

If you want to guarantee that you are always early to work, then you must drive aggressively. The more aggressively you drive, the earlier you will be. Take on more risk to get to work earlier. Think of it as bonus time. You can use that time for whatever you like. Most days that is, assuming there isn't a crash and/or you aren't arrested for reckless driving.

You know what? I have one final tip to offer you.

If you are worried about being arrested for reckless driving, then you might want to consider drinking aggressively beforehand. It will guarantee that you don't remember a thing. The more aggressively you drink, the less you will remember.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, realize that this is not investment advice, driving advice, or drinking advice!

Comment of the Day

May 17, 2016
Hertz brings back Shelby's Ford Mustang GT-H 'Rent A Racer'

From the comments:

Xxxxx Xxxxxxxx
Looking for work at Unemployed

Rates will be very high but even at $1000 for two days it's well worth it

(Commenter's name redacted.)

Why did I single this comment out?

1. The unemployed fine print.
2. $182,500 annual car rental offers value?
3. The curious need to rent a racer.
4. Instant gratification society evidence.
5. Concern over his retirement plan.

The answer shall remain a mystery.

Ah, who am I kidding? It's obviously #2! No, wait. It's #1. #5? Dammit. Made this quiz way too tough! Don't worry. This question won't be on the final.

Breaking News: SHLD Hit a New Decade Low Today

Eddie Lampert is having yet another bad day.

Oops. I didn't mean to imply that the news is especially timely or important. I was simply trying to point out that Sears continues to break. My bad.

Bad Mark. Bad. Bad. Sigh.

One Benefit of Trickle Out Economics

Our trade deficit of ~$500 billion per year continues to flood the world with dollars.

I did find an unexpected benefit today though.

May 18, 2016
America's millionaires don't like what they see in the markets or economy

The most alarming move to "safety investments" that Altfest is seeing among clients, though, is people actually putting fences around their houses (country homes in the case of her New York City clients). "Clients are telling me they need $50,000 for a fence. It's not a majority of Americans, but I've heard it more than once," Altfest said.

Alarming? I think not. It takes labor to install fences. American labor. The more money we ship out of the country, the more fences the wealthy may ultimately need.

GDP? Employment? Hello? This isn't rocket science.

The Only Thing on My Bucket List

May 17, 2016
CNBC: A British fitness company wants you to work out while you commute

Why commute to work on a bike, fighting traffic and dodging potholes, when you could ride a stationary bike mounted inside a bus while you commute?



And why not be riding that bus while inside a ferry?

May 26, 2015
Dog strapped to woman's back on motorbike gets ride of his life

He says the dog was looking at him, whether he was silently pleading for help is open to debate.

And why not have a dog strapped to my back? On that bike? Inside that bus? Inside that ferry?

Oh, yes. All the pieces of my bucket list puzzle are coming together quite nicely. Hahaha! :)

Sacrificing the Budget on the Granite Countertop Altar

May 17, 2016
USA Today: To buy or not to buy a home? For many Millennials, that's the question.

"I'm not going to sacrifice budget at all," she says. "At the end of the day, our financial wellness is the most important, and if it doesn’t make financial sense, we’re not going to buy."

Smart.

Persistence paid off for the couple.

Congratulations! What have they won?

After months of searching they found a condo and negotiated the price down a few thousand dollars, to $477,375 — which was over their initial budget of $400,000 to $450,000. They decided to go for it because it had everything they were looking for, including two bedrooms, two baths, an open living space that would fit their furniture, the bonus of a completely updated kitchen, plus it was in a prime location they loved.

They're both 26 years old. As long as neither of them lose their jobs in the next 10 years or so, what's the worst that could possibly happen? It's only half a million dollars. Easy come, easy go.

As a side note, this new and improved economy never loses jobs. Want proof? I've backtested this theory over the past five years. That's right, all five of them! Thanks to our new and improved Fed, nothing bad ever happens again! What more proof do you need?

Astrology This Week: Good News and Bad News for Libras

The Onion: Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 17, 2016

Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

You will successfully foil a secret plot to infiltrate your house and surprise you with birthday gifts, cake, and good wishes.

The good news is that you will thwart their evil plot, at least for now.

The bad news is that, in this short-term instant gratification society, there is only one group I know of that would mastermind your surprise birthday event more than four months in advance. Watch your backs Libras. Watch your backs.

Illuminati

They are often alleged to conspire to control world affairs, by masterminding events and planting agents in government and corporations, in order to gain political power and influence and to establish a New World Order. 

Astrology and conspiracy theories working together in the New World Order, baby. That's what I'm talking about. :)