How to Guarantee That Your Investments Outpace Inflation

May 17, 2016
7 Reasons That You Could Retire Poor

But at the same time, you want to be aggressive enough with your allocations to ensure your returns at least outpace inflation.

If you want to guarantee that your investments outpace inflation, then you must invest aggressively. Take on additional risk to guarantee better returns. You heard it here first.

I'm going to offer you another tip, totally free of charge.

If you want to guarantee that you are always early to work, then you must drive aggressively. The more aggressively you drive, the earlier you will be. Take on more risk to get to work earlier. Think of it as bonus time. You can use that time for whatever you like. Most days that is, assuming there isn't a crash and/or you aren't arrested for reckless driving.

You know what? I have one final tip to offer you.

If you are worried about being arrested for reckless driving, then you might want to consider drinking aggressively beforehand. It will guarantee that you don't remember a thing. The more aggressively you drink, the less you will remember.

Please, for the love of all that is holy, realize that this is not investment advice, driving advice, or drinking advice!