Thursday, August 13, 2015

The Sarcasm Report v.233

August 11, 2015
We don’t need to drink less soda, according to research funded by Coca-Cola

Amid a national obesity epidemic, Coca-Cola has been quietly supporting a new nonprofit organization called the Global Energy Balance Network (GEBN) whose primary goal is to spread the message that we might be a little too worried about what we eat and drink.

Rumor has it that Coca-Cola has also been quietly supporting a new nonprofit organization called the Global Financial Balance Network (GFBN) whose primary goal is to spread the message that we might be a little too worried about how much we pay for s%^t, especially those of us who only seem to buy it when it is heavily discounted as part of weekly advertised grocery sales.

4 comments:

Mr Slippery said...

What we need are cheaper Wall-e wheelchairs. I see dozens of people of all ages riding around Disneyland in their electric wheelchairs every time I go. Most are morbidly obese and can only ride a few things. In 2007, Disney remodeled It's a Small World so the boats could handle Wall-e size people, fast becoming the majority of the population.

"Heavier-than-anticipated loads have been causing the boats to come to a standstill in two different spots"

Troy said...

https://research.stlouisfed.org/fred2/graph/?g=1CM6

3 horsemen of the apocalypse -- blue is consumer debt leverage, red is real defense spending and green is annual trade deficit

The 4th is health expenses, but those are only up 25% in real terms since 2000, more like a frog in a pot . . .

Stagflationary Mark said...

Mr Slippery,

You get a free food ticket if you manage to bottom out the boat? That's sure a twisted self-reinforcing "reward" mechanism!

Stagflationary Mark said...

Troy,

The frog in the pot should be candied, covered in chocolate, and turned into a Disneyland attraction. People would literally eat that up, lol. Sigh.