Monday, December 15, 2014

HEW Knew? $3,500 Holiday Cash! (Musical Tribute)

This television commercial is currently running in my area.

Get up to $3,500 cash. No payments until March.

Welcome to HEW (Hyundai Equity Withdrawal).

Just look at all that cash sitting on that hood looking all sexy and stuff. The car's just a bonus!

Money, drive away
Keep that same job with same pay and you're okay

Money, and some gas
Grab that cash with new car and make a dash

New car, stereo, four door wet dream
Think I'll buy some extra esteem

Money, cash back
It's like some crack you won at the horse track

Money, tiny bit
Which is what one earns with large deposits

You're in the hi-fidelity Hyundai traveling car set
No one knows you just bought more debt

Money, so sublime
Need it right now since it's holiday wintertime

Money, so you'll pay
Not until some future March, someday

And if you buy a new car it's no surprise that they're giving cash away


Stagflationary Mark said...

For the record, my first new car was a Hyundai in 1988.

I don't recall seeing all that cash on the hood though. Go figure.

Prosperity, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

Nathan said...

Negative equity? In my car?

It's more likely than you think.

Rob Dawg said...

The new houses!

Anonymous said...

Dude, you got ripped off. All Hyundai's in 1988 were delivered with a spare-tire filled with money. You still have the spare-tire, right?

Stagflationary Mark said...


Negative equity is not a problem as long as the cars keep appreciating in value! Should get a huge boost the instant it's driven off the lot!

When the $3,500 is nearly gone, simply go back and buy another new car! What's the worst that could possibly happen?

Stagflationary Mark said...

Rob Dawg,

The new Love Shack!

I got me a car, it was really nice sale

And we're callin' it our brand new Love Shack

I got me a Hyundai, it sleeps about 4

So hurry up and get your cash back money!

Stagflationary Mark said...


I did not know about the spare tire! Damn the luck! However, I did know about the rocket assist booster pack.

Not only could my car exceed freeway speeds of 100 mph, but I could also enter a low earth orbit. It was very handy for short flights across the state.

As far as I can tell, only Rodney King and myself knew about it though. (We both drove a 1988 Hyundai Excel.)

Is there a legitimate defense of the beating that was given to Rodney King by the L.A. police?

King was driving a 1988 Hyundai Excel on an LA freeway at speeds in excess of 100 mph. He had two passengers in the car.

The guy was amazing! 100 mph with two passengers? He must have found an additional rocket pack that I didn't even know about!

In all seriousness, there was no way my car could ever hit freeway speeds of 100 mph.

1988 Hyundai Excel 2-Dr Hatchback

how fast is this car ? top speed: 162 km/h (101 mph) (theoretical)

With two passengers in the car, I figure two weeks to get to that theoretical speed (at best), so you'll need to be patient, lol. Sigh.