Posts
1. OMG!! Your daughter is so f%^king hot!!! Is she out of high school yet?
2. Mouthwash can temporarily reduce halitosis. Just throwing it out there and hoping it sticks.
3. After reviewing our accounting records, I contacted the authorities. Much to my surprise, I think there may even be a monetary reward!!
4. I may look like I'm working hard, but I'm mostly just surfing the net! Love this job!!
5. You sure are smart and witty! Of course, I once thought that of all of my previous bosses, but the more I got to know them the more I realized what incompetent losers they really were.
6. Want to see my trophy collection? Let me start with this perfect attendance trophy from 1979. I was in a bowling league and they clearly saw something special in me. Wait! Where are you going? You can't leave until you see my lion head!! Don't make me come hunt you down! You know I will! Just like I have done *every* day this month in the hallway outside your office!! There's a lifetime's worth of stuff you still need to know about me!!!
Hey, just trying to make a splash in the "x" things you should never tell your boss market. I know it's very crowded and competitive, but nobody ever made money just waiting around for the perfect opportunity.
See Also:
Monster.com: 5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Boss
Monster.com: Nine Things Never to Say to Your Boss
Monster.com: 10 Things Your Boss Never Wants to Hear
Question #10 for 2025: Will inventory increase further in 2025?
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Today, in the CalculatedRisk Real Estate Newsletter: Question #10 for 2025:
Will inventory increase further in 2025?
Excerpt:
Earlier I posted some quest...
2 hours ago
9 comments:
Number zero: "When I'm your boss..." followed by anything, doesn't matter.
Rob Dawg,
Oh, that's an awesome one! We should have done a joint venture on this post!
1. OMG! Your daughter is so f%^king hot! Is she out of high school yet? And don't you worry about me not treating her like you would. When I'm your boss, I'll be her new sugar daddy!! You won't have to do a thing!!
Hahaha! :)
Shame on me! Bad Mark! Bad! Bad!
You know it's a good thing I came along when I did. Any later and it might not be possible to reverse all the incompetence under your watch I've uncovered in just these first few weeks.
7. Dare you to fire me for being rude to the customer! That little s#%t felt he didn't get enough fries in his Value Meal? And now you want a piece of me too? Let me spell it out for you. D A R E Y O U! Dare you! Dare! You! Dare you! Dare you to fire me. Yeah, I didn't think so, mouth breather. Don't look so shocked, you stupid, stupid man. DARE YOU! What a joke this place is. If I didn't need the money so desperately, I'd quit. That reminds me. We need to talk about the bonus situation. I know this is my first day on the job and there were many, many applicants, but I deserve better.
Do you have any idea how bad it reflects on you that you hired me in the first place?
Okay, here's how it is going to play out. I go "upstairs" with this scandal. You fall on your sword and then when the smoke clears I bring you back in as my underling but three levels higher than you are now. Promise.
Rob Dawg,
Hahaha! We'll call your last one #8 for simplicity's sake.
9. I know you sent me, the senior vice president, to meet with our most important client but 5 minutes into the meeting I realized something went horribly wrong. I'd done a poo poo in my pants. Not sure why. It might have been related to the all you can eat Mexican buffet shortly before the meeting. Since it was on the company's dime, I felt obligated to not let any of it go to waste. Or maybe it was the dysentery I picked up on my vacation in South America last week. Live and learn!!
Hahaha! I give up trying to number them. I'm starting to think there might be an infinite number! ;)
I may have slightly exaggerated a few things on my resume. First, the only java programming I've done was as a Starbuck's barista. Second, I did spend a full 4 years at Harvard, but it was as part of a long-term psychological study. I could give you a number to call, but the psychologist specializing in the disorders of the criminally insane tragically and accidentally died while shaving. Third, there may be some confusion over my criminal record. If I'm convicted of a crime but manage to pardon and then release myself under my own supervision, that doesn't count. Right?
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