Exponential Trend Failure of the Day: Convenience Store Employment

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This trend failure makes no sense! It is common knowledge that cheap money combined with convenience *always* trumps expensive food! Just look at the chart. R-squared = 0.981! 6.6% employment growth! It was a sure thing!

For the love of all that is holy, we must not let one of our best and brightest growth industries slow! Time for NIRP! Interest rates must go negative now, before it is too late!

The Four Keys to Enduring Prosperity

1. Up with cheap money!
2. Up with convenience!
3. Up with expensive food!
4. NIRP!

May 7, 1997
The Onion: Clerk Endures Fifth Humiliating Year

In addition to dehumanizing, servile labor, Rechler endures daily reminders of his inadequacy in the form of deeply degrading lectures on how to properly mop, sweep and wipe countertops, not to mention the constant suspicion of theft every time his till is counted at the end of a shift.

Rechler is also regularly forced to submit to a Shop 'n' Thrift chain-wide policy requiring employees to wear a variety of embarrassing promotional and customer-service-oriented buttons. The buttons, which cannot be removed on pain of suspension without pay, include such soul-crushing messages as, "Ask Me About Two-4-One Hot Dogs"; "Be A Winner—Play Lotto"; and "Am I Smiling? If Not, Report Me Immediately At 555-4578."

Soul-crushing sarcastic employment prosperity, baby. That's what I'm talking about. Sigh.

Source Data:
BLS: CES Employment Data