CNBC's Doctored Strange Headline Love or: How I Learned to Start Worrying and Embrace the Crash

September 18, 2015
CNBC: This bank just slashed its S&P earnings outlook to zero

No. The bank did not do that. It slashed its S&P earnings GROWTH outlook to zero. Big difference!

September 17, 2015
CNBC: Wells Fargo CEO: Our goal is NOT to make money

No. He did not say that. He said the number one goal was not about making money. It's about serving customers. Once again, big difference!

Can't you just picture the CEO waking up every morning looking for new ways NOT to make money? If that's their goal and they can't succeed at it then they must be the most incompetent bank of all time! All it would take is excessive risk taking, you know, like what was going on heading into the Great Recession, lol. Sigh.

Does CNBC think that we all just fell off the backs of turnip trucks or is September National Click Bait Month? In any event, it's working! WTF am I supposed to do with all these turnips now that the truck has driven away? Oh, wait. I know!

Free turnips for sale! Today only! Buy one free turnip for free and get another free turnip absolutely free! How do I NOT make money? Volume, baby. That's what I'm talking about! Hahaha!!