I Wish I Could Lock in a Dismal Return

I'm serious. If I could lock in a dismal return then I would put my entire retirement nest egg in it. Don't believe me? Well, maybe I can convince you just how awesome dismal returns can be!

September 24, 2015
Millions of boomers are making this big retirement mistake

The trouble is that the bond market, a traditional safe haven for retirees and near-retirees, has had dismal returns since the recession.

Had you bought the 30-year treasury in June of 2009 (the end date of the Great Recession), then you'd be sitting on a bond yielding 4.5% right now. That's nearly 3% higher than what the consumer price index has been doing since then. A 3% real yield? In a safe haven? If that's considered dismal, then sign me up!

But wait, that's not all! You would be sitting on a 4.5% bond that some other investors might be willing to sell a kidney to own right now. In other words, the price of that bond has gone up big time.

So, yeah. I would love to lock in a similar dismal return going forward. No doubt about it.

Unfortunately, based on recent stock market action, we seem to be entering a worse than dismal returns environment. If that's the case, then locking in an actual dismal return might still be attractive. Got 0.0% I-Bonds? I do. Might even buy more in November. Sigh.

Despair.com: Despair

It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black.