Presidential Election 2016: Please Consider Voting for Maria Cornelio

Who is Maria Cornelio you might ask? What makes her qualified to be president? These are good questions. She's an amazing woman and just the outsider we all desperately need to shake things up.

May 6, 2016
Lawrence Sears Closing: Liquidation Sale Coming As Customers Lament Loss

"I didn't know," said Maria Cornelio, who had a sleeping toddler in tow.

An Albany Park resident, Cornelio, like many of those interviewed on Thursday, said the store's convenient location and good prices were its biggest draws.

I can't speak for you, but that's all I need to hear. Let's go through the main points together.

1. Integrity. When Maria doesn't know something, she'll say she doesn't know. She's not the type of person to just make s%^t up. Let me share a story from my youth to show why this is important.

I bought a snowboard. I got a few years out of my first one but it was in bad shape and needed a replacement. After looking at the new models in the Burton catalog, I found the one I wanted. After seeing it in the store, I made the purchase.

When I got it home I noticed that the bindings were not as advertised. I returned to the store and told the salesman this. He told me that they were the correct bindings. I told him he was wrong and dragged him to the snowboards on display. I pointed to the bindings of the cheapest model on display and told him that those were my bindings. The store had assembled them wrong. After comparing the bindings I had with the ones on display, he conceded my point. He didn't apologize but he did agree to swap them.

While they were working to swap the bindings in a back room, he asked me why I bought the model that I did. I told him that I liked that the board had a wood core. He then informed me that Burton snowboards have never had a wood core, once again telling me that I didn't know what I was talking about. I then asked him a simple question. What kind of core did Burton's older Woody snowboard have? He did not have an answer, so instead decided to go in the back and check on the status of the bindings swap. Hahaha!

It is for this reason that I very much respect those who say they don't know. It's a very important character trait to have. It's the trait that Maria has.

2. Trust. When Maria shares her opinions, I believe her. She said that the convenient location and good prices were the store's biggest draws. I have no reason to doubt that. She's done her homework. She knows what she knows and has the wisdom to also know what she doesn't know. I really admire that.

3. Resident. She lives in Albany Park. Was she born in the USA? I don't know. Does she have a valid birth certificate? I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't really care. I'm so sick of birth certificate arguments for presidents or those running for president. At this point, she could be an undocumented worker for all I care. Is she black? Is she Mexican? Is she Muslim? Which bathroom does she use? I am completely indifferent now. She lives here. Good enough for me.

4. Responsible. When told of the closing, Maria did not immediately look to blame others. She did not pander to the masses in an attempt to start a riot. There was no hate speech. She made no attempt to turn to isolationism. There were no attempts to build a very expensive wall at the expense of the taxpayers or even an attempt to get a foreign country to pay for it. She clearly realized that if the Sears store was not profitable enough to remain open, then perhaps that was the sole responsibility of the Sears store, or perhaps even the responsibility of its CEO, Eddie Lampert.

5. Strong Leader. Anyone who can shop at Sears with a *sleeping* toddler in tow certainly has the skills necessary to deal with an infantile Congress. Maria will get things done, multitasking the seemingly impossible if necessary. She's a miracle worker I tell you. A miracle worker.

That's why I urge to vote for Maria Cornelio for president. Thank you for your time.