Monday, July 13, 2015

The Crock of @#$% Report v.015

I know what you must be thinking. Two crock of @#$% reports on the same day? What must it mean? Let me calm your fears by pointing out that it is Crock of @#$% Monday! A magical day filled with opportunities and wondrous adventures! :)

July 13, 2015
The 3 Best Stocks to Hold For the Next Decade

Many investors often accidentally buy the 3 worst stocks. I'm sure glad Investopedia has finally taken all the guess work out of it.

When it became clear that the stock market recovery was legit, not a dead cat bounce, investors clamored to get off the sidelines and back into the market. With the renewed bull market entering its sixth year, many investors have finally regained the confidence to put their money back in stocks for the long haul.

So let me get this straight. Many investors sold after stocks had fallen dramatically. These same investors then clamored to get back in after stocks had risen dramatically. And I'm now led to believe that they have put their money in stocks for the long haul? Seriously? The long haul? The Great Recession has permanently cured them of their fear and/or impulsive ways? Did I just fall off the back of a turnip truck?

Tesla: However, most analysts are steadfast that oil and gas will never again be as cheap as they were in the 1990s and before.

Well, if most analysts are convinced then it must be a sure thing. As we all know, analysts as a group are never wrong. And long-time readers know how much I love investing in sure things. Can't lose! Not possible! In fact, that's why investors around the world have embraced Tesla as the first risk-free stock of the modern era. No possible downside. Only guaranteed upside!

Chipotle: Year-over-year comparable restaurant sales continue to average over 10%, with no slowdown forecast for the foreseeable future.

I gotta get me one of these crystal balls that can accurately foresee the foreseeable future. Think of all the money I'd make always knowing what would happen in just the next 10 minutes, much less the next 10 years. My day trading powers would be unstoppable!

Under Armour: The popularity of working out is gaining rapidly, and everyone joining the trend needs quality clothes to work out in.

I had no idea that I was working out incorrectly. I assumed that throwing on any old cheap clothes, within the confines of my own house, would be sufficient. After all, 20 minutes or so can degrade the quality anyway, what with all that sweat. I suppose that if I was wearing quality workout clothes then I might not "need" to take a shower afterwards though. That's worth something. You know, because my dashing apparel could offset all that stink and make me very popular with all the ladies. Hahaha!

Just don't tell it to my girlfriend. After a long workout, I'll often come downstairs and ask for a hug. She always rejects me. Why is that? In fact, she won't even allow me to give our furry dogs a big hug either. It's a shame too, because our dogs would dry me off even faster than a towel! What a waste of a good natural resource that is. Hahaha!

Seriously, everyone "needs" quality clothes to workout in about as much as everyone "needs" Coach designer wallets and handbags to hold their cash. It's totally optional. I am more than comfortable wearing cheap, black, 100% nylon, breathable, Russell Athletic shorts to workout in. Purchased a decade ago. They are holding up fantastic. No fading. Simple to clean, wash after wash.

Would I invest in Russell Athletics? Probably not. The "cheap" shorts are holding up way too well. It is therefore unlikely that I will become a repeat customer. I bought 8 pairs and am apparently done buying them. That said, I have thought about buying some cheap 100% nylon shirts to go with them. Just can't seem to justify the "need". Either that, or I'm too lazy to go shopping for bargains. Who can really say for sure? I can't. ;)


Rob Dawg said...

OMFG. "Fad" stocks. When did this numbnut recommend IOmega?

Stagflationary Mark said...

Rob Dawg,

I wisely hoarded a couple thousand of those IOmega Zip Drives back in 1994 when they first came out. Now I'm just sitting on them until the market reallizes their true untapped potential!

In it for the long haul, baby. That's what I'm talking about.

Psst! Trade you one of my vintage drives for an order of chicken nuggets. ;)

Anonymous said...

Where is Under A made? Yep I am sure Chinese made workout clothes are awesome. I work out in a god awful sweatshirt I have had since before kids. No rips or tears and I even fix the car in it. Holy crap its made in the USA.

Stagflationary Mark said...

But what about the quality workout pants you know you "need"?

You already missed your chance to buy Rick Owens Cashmere Track Pants for just $1,570! Don't let it happen again!! Hahaha! ;)