The 10 Defense Readiness Conditions (DEFCON) of a Dog Owner

1. Good dog.
2. Stay. Good dog.
3. Sit. Stay. Good dog.
4. Come. Sit. Stay. Good dog.
5. No! Come. Sit. Stay. Good dog.
6. Why would you eat that? No! Come. Sit. Stay. Good dog.
7. What did you just eat? Why would you eat that? No! Come. Sit. Stay. Good dog.
8. F#%^!! What did you just eat? Why would you eat that? No! Come. Sit. Stay. Good dog.
9. Oh s%^t!! F#%k! What did you just eat? Why would you eat that? No! Come. Sit. Stay. Good dog.
10. What are you doing? Oh s%^t! F#%k! What did you just eat? Why would you eat that? No! Come. Sit. Stay. Good dog.

The goal is to never reach level 6! Hahaha! :)

This post inspired by:

Here Are 14 Things You Will Say To Your Kids A Million Goddamn Times

Hilarious!!