The Sarcasm Report v.10

In my opinion, v.10 needed something big! Something ghastly!

Spain faces frightening parallels to Britain
Spanish officials have furiously denied reports that the country’s property market is heading for a crash or that a clutch of banks may be in the same boat as Northern Rock.

Furious denial combined with crash, clutch of banks, and boats! That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, baby!

Miguel Angel Ordoñez, the Bank of Spain’s governor, told the Spanish parliament yesterday that the country’s financial system was “immensely solid” despite the dramatic fall in the share price of mid-sized banks and construction firms geared to the deflating property bubble.

Structural problems in the solidity are 100% inconceivable!

Exposure to [sub-prime debt] is insignificant: the problem is we don’t know where the losses are, or who owns what,” he said.

It's built on a solid foundation of utter chaos! What could possibly go wrong?

The central bank also denied reports that its financial institutions had required “emergency liquidity” along the lines of Northern Rock, but the statement failed to end doubts since Spanish banks have been able to borrow unlimited sums cheaply from the European Central Bank’s window.

Where's my unlimited sums of cheap money!!! Or as I often say to my dog, "Gimme that! It stinks! I'm gonna wash it! And I'm gonna use bleach!" I then proceed to chase her around the house. I swear it is fun for everyone! It usually ends with us both collapsing, but man is it ever a hoot. Spain needs to get with the program and give it a try!

The Spanish banks’ shares have fallen almost 40pc since April.

Based on the news coming out of the Spanish Government, I can only assume that 40pc means 40 pence! That's just a tiny, trivial amount!

Over 98pc of all mortgages are priced off floating Libor rates, causing mortgage payments to almost double in under two years.

Whoops! Doesn't look like pence! My bad!

Construction has reached 18pc of GDP, more than Germany (15pc) at the height of the reunification boom.

Furiously denying it doesn't do it justice. They need to be using some nuclear powered bullhorns given to Spain's version of the NAR!

David Owen, an economist at Dresdner Kleinwort, said Spain was in danger of a serious crisis. “House prices may fall, but what is even worse is that the corporate sector’s deficit has grown so large that it needs to find financing equivalent to 10pc of GDP every quarter just to stand still,” he said.

That's a serious crisis in the most stable and solid sort of way though. Of that I am nearly underconfident!

I better stop hogging the show on this one. Ambrose Evans-Pritchard, the writer of this article, I bow to you. Your dagger cuts deep into the truth, and I humbly offer up a ceremonial sword to help finish the job. The kill is yours though. Well done!