Doctor Copper Steamrollered by Crazed Deflationist

July 12, 2015
Copper Bears Rewarded as Economic Threats Spur Metal Rout

This morning's announcement that Doctor Copper would be running for the office of president of the United States took an unexpected turn. No sooner did the latest candidate, in a long string of candidates, point out that something was not quite right with the world, a crazed deflationist driving a semi-automatic paving machine crossed over the center line to avoid a speeding hyperinflationist riding a tricycle. He then proceeded to "accidentally" crush the good doctor and his podium too. 

Shadowstats, a major contributor to Doctor Copper's campaign, and rumored to be affiliated with the growing hyperinflationary tricycle market, was not immediately available for comment.

Okay, I admit it. In an effort to capture the essence of the article, I may have allowed myself too much journalistic latitude by excessively paraphrasing the quote. Crossing the winning of the Pulitzer Prize off of my bucket list will apparently just have to wait. ;)