Sunday, July 5, 2015

China Suspected of Killing Patriotic American in Maine

And so it begins...

July 5, 2015
Police: Man shoots off firework from top of his head, dies

CALAIS, Maine (AP) — A young man who was drinking and celebrating the Fourth of July tried to launch a firework off the top of his head, fatally injuring himself, authorities said Sunday.

1. Was the firework composed of explosive materials?
2. Was it manufactured in China with intent to explode on US soil?
3. Other than not drinking, reading all of the warning labels, and using some common sense, is there any possible way he could have known that setting a fireworks mortar tube off from the top of his head would be dangerous?

Remember: Fireworks don't kill people, governments kill people. My client's family is therefore entitled to $5 million in compensatory damages and an additional $15 million in punitive damages.

Shame on me. Hey, at least I didn't bring up the Darwin Awards. Oops.
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2 comments:

dearieme said...

My brother got a very nasty deep cut on his hand when we were boys, launching a rocket from a milk bottle which duly shattered. I launched mine from a stick with a couple of staples hammered into it. I found I could hit a neighbour's upstairs loo window with decent accuracy.

July 5, 2015 at 11:51 AM
Stagflationary Mark said...

dearieme,

We loved dropping ground bloom flowers into empty beer bottles. They'd normally spin at a high rate, but inside a bottle they would torch their way out through the melting glass. Very amusing.

We would also crush Piccolo Pete fireworks with pliers. They'd normally whistle but when crushed they would explode.

All in the name of Patriotism, of course. (Not really.)

Never really thought to light them from my head, nor did I feel the need to light sparklers while in my pocket, or sit on a hundred lit firecrackers. Go figure. ;)

July 5, 2015 at 12:06 PM

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