Monday, September 7, 2015

Advice for Minnesota Dental Patients

1. If your dentist refers to you as "it" or "that thing" then try to work your name into the conversation. This will tend to humanize you, which is also useful in kidnapping and hostage situations. One way you can do this is to continually refer to yourself in third person. For example, "John Doe is a bit concerned that you are destroying John Doe's dental records. Is there anything that John Doe should be worried about before you start extracting John Doe's teeth?"

2. Remind your dentist how important you are to your friends. They know your location and if you do not contact them every hour on the hour then they will contact the police. Your many friends are always worried about you because you are so important to the country. You will be missed if something bad happens to you.

3. Before your dentist begins a major procedure, remind him that you are involved in a research study and that you are wearing a radio tracking device on your wrist. It probably won't help much, but it couldn't hurt.

September 6, 2015
Cecil the lion killer Walter Palmer grants interview, set to return to dental practice

“If I had known this lion had a name and was important to the country or a study obviously I wouldn’t have taken it,” Palmer said.

1. Tell him your name.
2. Tell him you are important.
3. Tell him you are being studied.

Trust me on this. Better safe than sorry.


dearieme said...

"obviously I wouldn’t have taken it": shouldn't that be 'killed' rather than 'taken'? Just in the interests of accuracy.

Stagflationary Mark said...

Big game hunters should at least be honest about it - Andrew Heller

For instance, I notice in his statement to the press Dr. Laughing Gas said, "I deeply regret that my pursuit of an activity I love and practice responsibly and legally resulted in the taking of this lion."

The word "taking" really grinds my gizzard. Hunters love to use the words "take" and "harvest" as softer sounding substitutes for the word "killed."

That seems a bit unmanly.

It seems to me if you can't say it you shouldn't be doing it.