Sunday, September 13, 2015

The Crock of @#$% Report v.030

September 11, 2015
How to play a Fed rate hike: Experts

A Federal Reserve rate hike will have "absolutely" no impact on the value of equities, but because it will nonetheless move some stock prices, investors should be prepared to scoop up names that overreact, market pro Charlie Bobrinskoy said Friday.

Charlie Bobrinskoy just couldn't be satisfied by claiming that it would have a small, tiny, bitty, puny, minuscule, modest, slight, trifling, teeny, meager, microscopic, inconsequential, or trivial impact. No, sir. He had to say "absolutely" no impact.

1. Place one straw on camel's back.
2. Absolutely no impact?
3. Repeat.

You gotta start somewhere. When the back eventually breaks, should we blame just the last straw or was it a combination of all of them?

Butterfly effect

In chaos theory, the butterfly effect is the sensitive dependence on initial conditions in which a small change in one state of a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state.

Perhaps Charlie Bobrinskoy would like to share his proof that the butterfly effect won't be in play here. How hard can it be? I'm confident that the global economic system is so simple that a child chosen at random can perform the simulation in his or her head. It should therefore be child's play for a market pro to do it!

I mean really, it's as easy as throwing dice.

The butterfly effect is exhibited by very simple systems. For example, the randomness of the outcomes of throwing dice depends on this characteristic to amplify small differences in initial conditions—the precise direction, thrust, and orientation of the throw—into significantly different dice paths and outcomes, which makes it virtually impossible to throw dice exactly the same way twice.

Oops. Bad example. Never mind.

You know what? F%^k it. The Fed should just raise rates to 20% for a few years and we'll count how many companies in the S&P 500 survive. All 500, right? It's the only way to be "absolutely" sure that rate hikes can't affect the value of companies.

8 comments:

mab said...

The fact that a market "pro" could make such a statement speaks volumes. And don't get me started about how our "free" press dutifully plays along.

Wall St. is such a sham.

Stagflationary Mark said...

mab,

I think it all comes down to plausible deniability.

Where did you hear that it would have absolutely no impact?

Market Pro: I read it in The News.
The News: Market Pro said it.

"Circulars" distributed to the masses, baby. That's what I'm talking about. ;)

mab said...

eCONomic and financial preachers deliver masses to the masses! It's amazing how many lies and myths are widely believed to be facts.

Here's a quote from a 16 year old:

"We're a great country, but we sure tell a lot of lies."

Stagflationary Mark said...

Yes!

We're reaching a critical mass of masses delivered to the masses!

mab said...

Critical mass of masses! Indeed. Our "free and independent" press is a weapon of mass deception!

Stagflationary Mark said...

mab,

We live in the age of mass! That's why the data is massaged!

How big is the problem? Acres! The truth is being massacred!

These supermassive masses are a cancer on our society!!

mab said...

Clearly a few have amassed massive power in the age of mass? It is as it should be!

The evil doers have no chance against the righteous mass and its handlers. You're either with the mass or against the mass.

We're on the right side of history!

Stagflationary Mark said...

Praise be to the mass turds of this economy!