Saturday, May 28, 2016

Advice for Former Pasco Frozen-Food Plant Employees

May 28, 2016
The Seattle Times: Layoffs grow at Pasco frozen-food plant closed by listeria recall

“Local employment opportunities are available right now for these skilled workers, so it’s the best time for us to release them to seek jobs,” said Gene Grabowski, a crisis-communications expert serving as spokesman for CRF Frozen Foods.

With local unemployment opportunities currently at 6.7%, well above the national average, you may need some help with your resume. I'm here to help!

Resume Keywords

* As part of a team, earned national recognition.

* Participated in life or death non-Yogurt based active culture research.

* Indirectly responsible for the non-deaths of well over 99.99% of customers served.

* Implemented massive redistribution of company products from the ground up.

* Maintained dignity when escorted from the building.

Bad Mark. Bad! Bad!

In all seriousness, crisis-communications expert serving as spokesman? Sounds like our next Fed Chairman if you ask me.

Dammit. Said I was being serious. Sorry about that.

Full disclosure: My girlfriend is returning 10 pounds of our Listeria tainted frozen vegetables to Costco today. Yay.

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