Astrology This Week: Good News for Virgos

May 24, 2016
The Onion: Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 24, 2016

Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

You will quickly accomplish every goal set out for you at your job this week, which will once again spell peril for 1,200 Detroit autoworkers.

Very funny. Not gonna happen though. The economy is too strong, too resilient, and we all know satirical astrology has no basis in fact. We only read it for the humor.

May 24, 2016
GM will lay off 1,600 workers at 3 factories

About 700 workers at GM's pickup plant in Pontiac will be furloughed starting Feb. 1, while another 500 at the Detroit-Hamtramck sedan factory will be laid off starting Jan. 12, spokesman Chris Lee said Thursday. In addition, 400 workers at a two-seat sports car assembly plant in Wilmington, Del., also will be out of work starting Dec. 8.

Oops. My bad. Pontiac is close to Detroit, isn't it? Sigh.