Saturday, May 21, 2016

With Your Help, We Can Create 40 to 50 Million Quality Jobs

May 20, 2016
What drought? Nestle plans $35 million plant to bottle water in Phoenix

1. The plant is projected to fill 264 million half-liter bottles in its first year...
2. The plant is expected to create 40-50 jobs.

It stands to reason that if a whopping 40 to 50 jobs are created if 264 million half-liter bottles are filled each year, then 40 to 50 million jobs could be created if 264 trillion half-liter bottles are filled!

There are three things necessary for this plan to work.

1. We must not allow Nestle to simply build one fully automated mega-bottling plant that can fill 264 trillion half-liter bottles with just 40 to 50 workers. We must spread these plants out.

2. We must all drink a great deal more bottled water than we currently do. I know it won't be easy, but if each American pledges to drink a million bottles per year, then that would be more than sufficient.

3. Everyone needs to pee into Lake Mead. This is extremely important. We can't have that water go to waste, somehow finding its way back into our oceans through alternate paths. For if we do, there won't be enough water to fill the bottles.

May 21, 2016
Lake Mead Water Level Drops To Record Low As Drought Dries Up Colorado River Basin

The water level in Lake Mead — the United States’ largest reservoir that serves as a source of water for over 20 million people — has dropped to an all-time low, the U.S. Bureau of Reclamation, which manages the reservoir and the Hoover Dam, said Friday.

So, get drinkin' and get peein'! Hahaha! Sigh.


mab said...

That's a sinister plan!

Stagflationary Mark said...

Simon says, "Dry up!"

AllanF said...

You missed a headline:

May 17, 2016
Anti-Nestle ballot measure: Bid to block Cascade Locks water plant succeeds (election results)

Hood River County voters have said yes to a measure that would effectively block Nestlé Waters' plan to bottle water in Cascade Locks...

Nestlé for seven years ha[d] sought a way to bottle water from Oxbow Springs, just outside the Columbia River Gorge town of Cascade Locks...

The company hope[d] to build a $50 million bottling plant at the town's port, where 100 million gallons annually of Oxbow Springs water would be bottled under the Arrowhead brand.

Not that anyone asked me, but I'll tell ya why it went down. 100 million sounds like a lot. Nestle should have used their ad-dollar clout to demand the media only refer to the amount of water in 55 gal barrels. Oh wait, that's still gonna have the M-word. How about rail tank cars. A DOT-111 tank car can hold 30,000 gallons, so that's only 3,000 tank cars a year. (Most journo's are innumerate anyway, hence the rounding.) Oh wait, they said port facility! One barge is almost half a million gallons. They were only talking about two barges a year. On the Columbia? That's barely a squirt of piss.

(Welcome don't call it a come back.)

Stagflationary Mark said...


Interesting. Perhaps Nestle should have done a Portlandia "Put a bird on it" water bottle ad campaign. ;)

AllanF said...

Yeah, did you note the date?

Also AZ plant is $35M. OR plant was quoted at $50M. Where'd the other $15M go?

Stagflationary Mark said...

Perhaps Oregon water already has a bird *in* it. $15 million to filter out that bird?

Shame on me. ;)