Saturday, June 18, 2016

First World Problem of the Day

June 17, 2016
Why Spending Tends to Increase in Retirement

Filling Up Time Costs Money

“Once you enter retirement, your weekend is now seven days a week instead of two, which gives you triple the amount of free time to make spending decisions,” said CFP Chris Teofilak of the Index Fund Wealth Group.

Nobody warns us about having to make so many more spending decisions. It's exhausting!

Finding hobbies, attending events and traveling all cost money — more than retirees may have budgeted for.

Finding hobbies is my single largest retirement expense. No doubt about it.

My Typical Retirement Morning

7:00am: Butler wakes me. I slip him an extra $5 for the effort.
7:05am: Full day ahead so take a quick shower.
7:10am: Head down to the dining room for breakfast.
7:15am: Thank my chef. Hand him two tickets to today's baseball game.
7:20am: Order something fun at
7:30am: Tell the chauffeur to bring the car around.
7:40am: Meet my personal hobby consultant. Browse list of potential new hobbies.
7:41am: Ask him how he likes his new yacht, secretly hoping that he'll offer to take me around the lake, since the fees he charges paid for it. No luck. There's always tomorrow though.
7:45am: Getting a bit hungry. Time for second breakfast. Decide to slum it at McDonalds with my chauffeur. I notice that he has quite an appetite on days when I offer to pay.
8:00am: Need some coffee. Off to Starbucks.
8:10am: Boredom's setting in. Desperately need to buy something. Closest store is Home Depot. Buy some valve thingy from the plumbing aisle. Not sure what it does. Has an interesting shape though.
8:20am: Arrive back at home. Butler offers to take my valve thingy and store it in the valve thingy room. He's always looking out for me. Give him another $5.
8:30am: Call my broker. Tell him I want to sell something that's not going up and buy something that will. He says that won't be a problem. Great guy. Make mental note to buy him something special this Christmas.
8:40am: Watch 10 minutes of a live wrestling event on the TV. I really thought the big one would win but apparently should have gone with the guy in the better costume. Live and learn.
8:50am: Call my bookie to see how much that's going to cost me.
9:00am: Head out to the backyard to watch the Amazon drone land. I know I bought something fun. Wonder what it is!
9:05am: Oops! It's the same valve thingy I just bought at Home Depot. Don't I feel silly!
9:10am: Slip the butler another $5 and hand him the valve thingy. He tells me the valve thingy room is 95% full.
9:15am: Call my personal general contractor on speed dial. Wants to know if I want to continue expanding my mansion towards the protected wetlands. That's a no-brainer. Certainly not going to expand it towards the pool!
9:30am: Call my personal politician about acquiring the necessary permits. He asks me the same question he always does. Of course I will contribute to his campaign. He knows how to get things done!
9:45am: Brunch! Making so many spending decisions builds up the appetite. But where? Hmm.
10:00am: Deciding to circle the city in my private jet while eating fresh fruit and cottage cheese is the best decision I've made today. It wasn't a hard decision though. I've been making the same decision every day since I retired.

It's not easy spending money to fill time, but somehow I make do.

In all seriousness, if you are looking for ways to fill your free time with money then I feel very, very sorry for you. Free time should be savored for the precious commodity that it is, not filled. It's not some sort of evil sinkhole that causes nothing but pain and despair!

I am never looking to fill my free time. I cannot relate to the concept. Time flies when you're having fun! There are an infinite number of fun things to do. Saying that they all cost money means that before money was created, nobody had any fun. Yeah, right. And I've got some oceanfront property in Kansas I'd like to sell you!

We've Hit Poo Poo Point Again

Click to enlarge.

I rest my case.

Dammit. I burned free time posting this. You burned free time reading it. We're certifiable! I hope you realize that!! Maybe I can still salvage something from the wreckage though.

Hahaha! :) < ---- Fun! Whew!!


dearieme said...

You could always drop in on large weddings to enjoy free cake and champers. Everyone will just assume you're with the other family.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Think I could blend in while wearing my normal semi-formal attire?

Perhaps I should iron my shorts and t-shirt just to be safe, and maybe rinse off the hiking shoes. ;)

dearieme said...

You mean you don't normally mooch about in a Morning Suit and topper? Shame on you.

Stagflationary Mark said...


I only mooch in a bathing suit and flip floppers, but I do promise to shave shortly beforehand, if given a week's notice. ;)

mab said...

It's just not possible to have a fulfilling life without endlessly buying stuff you don't need and would be better off without.

You can poo poo point me to the mall!

Stagflationary Mark said...



Don't forget to rake over the Kohl's! ;)

Anonymous said...

How could one ever forget to rake over the Kohl's? Not possible. It would be like missing the Macys' Thanksgiving Day Charade! Or missing a "private" sales event at Needless Mark-up.

Stagflationary Mark said...


Missing the The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Charade? Heresy! I'm told they have the best floats!

Um, rootbeer with vanilla in a frosty mug please! Thank you very much! ;)