The Sarcasm Report v.255

June 17, 2016
Yahoo Finance: America's hidden epidemic: food addiction

We hide it so well!



That's it. I'm ending my food addiction.

I went cold turkey today, with mayonnaise, three sliced olives, a slice of Swiss cheese, and two slices of whole wheat bread. Seriously. Ending an addiction has never been so easy!



What can I say? I'm addicted to the craziest things. Food, water, oxygen, and video games! Ridiculous!

In all seriousness, I don't think we can end our food addiction. We actually do NEED food. It's not like gambling, debt, cigarettes, or cocaine. I think we can all agree that many of us, myself included, would be doing better if we ate less though.

Eat fewer calories. Burn more calories.

This isn't exactly rocket science. My optimal diet book still needs more work though. There are 20% more words than needed.

Calories? Eat fewer. Burn more.

Much better! Needs a title. Hey, why don't I just move the contents to the title? That way the book won't need any pages! Think of the money that will be saved on printing costs! Genius!

Uh, oh. Did I type this in public? Don't you dare steal all five words of my optimal diet book! It could be worth millions! Hahaha! :)