Sunday, June 26, 2016

The Sarcasm Report v.256

Welcome to the 2^8th sarcasm report! Momentous day! So let's get right to it.

June 24, 2016
Yahoo Finance: After the Brexit turmoil, expect a stock-market rebound


Q: When can we expect the stock market rebound?
A: Just after the Brexit turmoil ends.

Q: When can we expect the Brexit turmoil to end?
A: Just before the stock market rebounds.

Q: When would the best time to buy stocks be?
A: Just before the stock market rebounds.

Q: Would it therefore be best to buy just after the Brexit turmoil ends?
A: Yes.

Q: Is there a way we can know exactly when to buy?
A: Yes. You will want to buy just before the stock market rebounds.

Q: Exactly how will we know?
A: The Brexit turmoil will have just ended.

Q: What's the best way to know that the Brexit turmoil has not ended?
A: The stock market is not rebounding.

Q: What if the Brexit turmoil takes a long time to end?
A: Then the stock market rebound may take a long time to start.

Q: If the goal is to buy stocks after the Brexit turmoil ends but before the stock market rebounds, then how might I accomplish this?
A: You need to be informed that the Brexit turmoil is over before other investors cause the stock market to rebound.

Q: As a retail investor, how could I do this?
A: Rapidly click on Yahoo Finance headlines until you see "Brexit Turmoil Has Ended" then rapidly click the buy button on your broker's website.

Q: How will Yahoo Finance most likely know that the Brexit turmoil has ended?
A: The stock market will have rebounded.

Q: So how will I be buying at the best time if I wait to see the news?
A: This time could be different.

Q: There were previous times?
A: Yes. There was a Great Depression, an oil crisis in the 1970s, a dotcom bust recently, and a housing bust even more recently, to name just a few.

Q: Were there always stock market rebounds after the turmoil?
A: Yes, without exception.

Q: What if there is always turmoil in the future?
A: Don't ask too many silly questions. The economy is always strong and resilient.

Q: Strong and resilient enough for "normalized" interest rates?
A: You ^*# #%*% naysaying little #%^*ing #%*%!

Q: Why the potty mouth?
A: Sorry, I just noticed that the stock market futures are in the red.

Q: Does that mean the Brexit turmoil isn't over yet?
A: Yes.

Q: Is turmoil another way of saying that the stock market is declining?
A: Yes. Nobody ever says that the markets have turmoiled to new highs.

Q: So once the stock market stops declining we can expect a stock market rebound?
A: Yes. Once the turmoil is over it will be the end of the turmoil.


mab said...

Surprisingly, Brexit hasn't been good for Sears. Eddie Lampert can't catch a break.

Stagflationary Mark said...


No matter what happens, I'm confident that Sears will continue to be a fantastic investment.

For example, just look at the last 10 years. It's been one of the better momentum plays for those always expecting more of the same, lol. Sigh.

Come see the shorted side of Sears.